I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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