When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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