Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
