i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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