This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
