I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she smelled like a LAN party
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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