Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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