Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
