whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
