This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
