It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize
