You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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