Kareoke will never be a sober sport
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
