it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Houston, we have a blender
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
