I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Are we still banned from the library?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
