lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
