Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
