shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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