is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
zippers are such a cool invention
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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