just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
