I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
