she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
