you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
