At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Randomize
