The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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