i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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