Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
