I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
