I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
