it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
