blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
