it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
