At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
