You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
