I wish life had little blips of pornography
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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