...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
