the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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