So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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