How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
