Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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