Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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