my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
