You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
