If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
