ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
A bitchslap is in order.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
