mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
