I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
