he wants to bone in the snuggie
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
