I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
