I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
