Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
