and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
