After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
