You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
